Give Me a Sign
by bekki222
Summary: What happens when Callie and Arizona try to make amends when seeing other people? Set around season 9/10. Self-harm warning. One-shot
1. Chapter 1

I haven't spoken to Arizona since she cheated and I told her to leave the house weeks ago. She hasn't been the same since that plane crash. All I've ever wanted is to make her happy yet I broke my promise to her… a promise that I should have never made. It changed her, it changed us. It made her bitter and mean, no longer the woman I loved. I know we've been unhappy maybe this space will be the best for us give her a chance to see if she can finally be who I need and if she can trust me again.

She has hurt me in the worse way imaginable, I just don't if I can trust her but I miss and love her so much, I never wanted it to end, I just wanted her to fight for our future like how I fought for her life…

"Callie" I hear that familiar voice call. I turn to meet those bright blue eyes that I love, they look happier, at peace.

"Arizona" I clear my throat and force a smile. "What's wrong? Is Sofia ok?"

"Nothing's wrong and Sofia is fine. It's just my parents are coming for to town for a visit and I have yet to tell them about us…" I see her start to struggle with what to say. "Erm… I was wondering if we could have a family meal together just for them and Sofia."

"Arizona…"

"I know I'm like the last person you want near you, but please" she begs. "Sofia keeps asking about us and my parents are coming. I just, I don't hate you Callie and I don't want her thinking that I do, I miss you, I both of you" she stammers out.

"Come over and we will talk while Sofia is at school. I'm not saying yes but your right she needs to see we don't hate each other. Also, I haven't told my Dad because I wasn't sure what was happening with us yet"

"Us?" she furrows her brow. "I thought we were over"

"You don't just get over what we had, Arizona" I say as I walk away.

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I'm baking, when I hear a knock at the door. I open it to a very nervous looking blonde.

"Hi" she said playing with her hands. "Something smells good," she sniffed giving a small smile.

"I'm just making cookies for Sofia." I explained as I motioned her to follow me inside.

We walked into the kitchen, keeping distance between us as I knew this was going to be a hard talk.

"So, how have you been?" She asks.

"Erm not great, I've missed you but I don't regret leaving"

"I don't blame you, we were unhappy and I was cruel to you. I just lost myself and didn't appreciate what I had. I heard you've been out though." She probed.

"Yeah I have, you had Sofia and some people from work invited me so I thought maybe I should let my hair down a bit."

"Did you meet anyone?" She enquires.

"I got someone's number and they have asked me out but I don't know if I'm ready. I may go just to take my mind off things. Have you been seeing anyone?"

"You should go for it," she encouraged, "Yeah I have"

"Oh" I feel dejected and jealous that she could move on so quickly.

"I guess, I've just been confused and needed that distraction too. I still love you, I miss you but I thought we had no hope, so I tried to move on. I want to try with you."

"You only realise this now? Are you just being jealous that's why you're confused? Or are you being genuine?" I replied shocked.

"I guess I just couldn't see what was in front of me and I don't know why. I guess I could be jealous. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you again. You seem more relaxed and I'm just confused.

"I am, I know longer feel underappreciated but I still miss you and love you. I never wanted to split up, I just had no choice after… that night" I mumbled. "I don't know if I can be with you again."

"I feel so bad for what I have done to you Callie" she grovels "I miss and love you too. I just want to work on us even if that's only as friends and co-parents."

"You seem happier but I don't know if I can trust you have changed."

"I am happier and I get it, but give me that chance Callie, give us a chance at least for Sofia."

"Who have you been seeing then?"

"Leah"

"Murphy?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah it's nice and easy I like her but I regret so much with her. I shouldn't have rushed with her to be honest" she admitted.

"Maybe if we are to work on us we should drop what's going on with these other people?"

I can tell instantly by her face that she doesn't want to.

"I think we should just try be friends, Callie. I like her." I feel instantly shut down.

"Well we will still each other Friday ok? You better go pick up Sofia it's getting on." I quickly move the subject on and usher her out of the door.

"Ok see you Friday" she smiled.

"Yeah, bye" I responded as I close the door.

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Today is the day Arizona and her parents will be over for dinner. I'm nervous and confused. Since our talk earlier in the week, my head has been a mess. I don't know what to think of what she has shared with me in terms of her new relationship and her thoughts on our relationship. I can't trust her, I haven't slept well in days. So much is clouding my judgement.

I can't focus during dinner, the entire day really. Arizona keeps doing little touches to my hands, my thighs and keeps giving me looks of love and want. This just confuses me further, _'she shouldn't be doing this if she likes someone else'_

After Arizona's parents left, I put Sofia to bed and just watch her sleep from the doorway as Arizona starts to clean up. I then feel familiar arms wrap around my waste from behind me and kiss my neck.

"I really want to kiss you" she whispered in my ear.

"Arizona don't, we're just confused we have a lot to figure out. Besides you're still seeing Leah." I stressed.

"I know, I'm confused too but I've changed a lot since we split up and I promise we will work on our communication."

"If you really want to work on us maybe we shouldn't be involving others."

"No you should go tomorrow and I will meet Leah as well. You deserve that chance to clear your head."

"Erm ok." I say unsure of what this all means. "Maybe you should go home and we will see each other next week."

"Ok, I'll let myself out." Giving me a kiss on the cheek I watch her walk away and hear the front door open and close.

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Guilt. It's all I feel as make my way to meeting this date. I know where it may lead and feel like I should do it to clear my feelings but I can't help but feel like I shouldn't do this, I care to much about Arizona. I just need to snap out of it, she is seeing someone else right now. This could help me move on.

Throughout this date, I'm panicking, I feel nothing but guilt. I can only think of Arizona. Comparing him to Arizona. He invites me back to his house and I don't know what to do. All I can think is contact Arizona.

I agree to meet him at his just to give me some space and a chance to contact Arizona. Nothing. No text. No answer. I then think to myself… _'Arizona is with her, happy with her, she doesn't feel like this. Why?'_ I then find my courage to drive to his. If she can do it, I can.

I enjoy my time but I still think of Arizona. He removes that feeling of jealousy and fear to move on but not my feelings towards Arizona. I still must figure those out, I need to talk to her to make things clearer. She can't be with Leah and figure things out with me, it just won't work. He invites me to stay but the guilt and thought of him holding me while I sleep makes my skin crawl. _'Why doesn't Arizona feel the same around Leah?'_ I need to speak to her.

Numerous texts and calls and still no answer. Her phone is on she is just ignoring me. _'How can she ignore me after all her confessed feelings? When she held me, touched me and kissed me?'_ Thoughts are swirling around my head. I try to sleep to ignore them but I wake in the middle of the night. These thoughts won't leave me, she is lying in that woman's arms. I must talk to her but still no answer. Hours of texting and calling she continues to ignore me. Panic rises in my chest and I begin to have an anxiety attack, _'How can she do this to me?'_

Since I can't talk to Arizona to calm me down, my thoughts dragging me to depths of depression, I reach for the scissors. The metal cold in my hands, I press it to my skin to relieve some of the anxiety. The cool blade burning my skin, I see the blood run. I sleep more peacefully after that.

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 _'I just don't know how she can do this to me?'_

 _'She's confused Cal' I hear the deep tones of a man's voice._

 _'Mark?'_

 _'Yeah Cal, it's me'_

 _'Am I dead?' I say confused._

 _'No' he chuckled. 'I'm just your subconscious. I'm here to help'_

 _'Ok tell me how I feel' I spit with sarcasm._

 _'I think she hasn't changed, Cal, she's not ready to forgive you and be with you. You know this relationship with Leah won't work. She is rebounding and just looking for someone to distract her and take the pain away. It doesn't matter who. You know she regrets things with her…'_

 _'So she says' I scoffed._

 _'Either way she's not found a way to deal with her emotions either. Neither of you are ready to be apart but you can't be together.'_

 _'Your right, I'm not sure I can trust her. I think jealousy spurred me on' I admitted. 'She also knew how I felt and never gave me a response that showed that she felt the same. I think it is all me'_

 _'That maybe true but what you feel for her is true as well but don't go back to her because it's easy and she is there. Use this opportunity to find yourself Cal. You're lost too.'_

 _'I don't want to lose her' I start to cry. 'I still want to have her babies and be married'_

 _'If she truly loved you she wouldn't be with Leah right now would she? She wouldn't ignore you. She'd want to make it work. It just shows she's confused and just wants someone to look after her. You are too. I think it maybe you should block her number' he suggested._

 _'I can't, Sofia'_

 _'Only block it from your cell. She can ring the house about Sofia.'_

I take my phone in my hand and I block her number and I feel instantly free.

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 _Weeks later…_

"Callie" I hear the blonde call out of breath. I turn around to face her. "Look I'm sorry for how I've treated…"

I hold up my hand. "I've heard this before Arizona, you're confused and I'm not taking you back until you can prove yourself and until you know what you want. We will only have conversations about Sofia."

"Callie I want you I love you. I stopped seeing Leah to find myself on my own. Learn how to cope on my own. I can prove myself to you. I will spend however long showing that. I want you to carry my babies and to marry me, only you." She poured her heart out.

I stare at her blankly, mouth agape…

 **A/N: Sorry for not writing for so long. Basically my co-write and I split up. I thought we were in a place where we could write and be friends but that just isn't the case. Instead she has hurt me badly and we are not currently talking. This one-shot has been therapeutic to write and hopefully will tide you over while I find the inspiration to resume SB, SB. I'm sorry to those that follow that story and have been waiting for an update I just really haven't found the want to write until tonight. This isn't my best work, I know and I haven't even proofed it but it was something I needed to do. I may even make changes at a later date! I hope to continue SB, SB soon. Many thanks for your patience** **J**


	2. Chapter 2

"What's changed?" I ask incredulously.

"I've stopped seeing Leah" She responded.

"Oh so you've stopped seeing her and thought, I might try get back together with Callie?" I roll my eyes at her behaviour.

"I… I don't know what I thought" she stuttered.

"Last I heard is that I gave you a chance to be with me and you chose her" I say pointedly.

"I know and it was a mistake" She sighed.

"And you realise this after what once…" she looks away "Twice…" still no eye contact "ten plus times?" That got the reaction. "You slept with her ten plus times? Tell me during which time did you realise it was a mistake" I sass.

"Look I want you"

"Now you do Arizona. Have you even told her? All I see is that you are still friends and I know you were still sleeping with her this week." Her cheeks redden, as she looks shamefully away. "So tell me what's different now?"

"I… I…" she is lost for words.

"You don't know what you want."

"I want you!" She exclaimed.

"Now you do!" I say exasperated. "You've done nothing to show you want me. You… you have hurt me more than I could believe possibly and I'm to what forgive you instantly?"

"No, I still need to work on myself. I know what I've done and I'm not saying get back together but I'm not going to see or sleep with anyone until I sort myself out. I'm fighting for us and for you now."

"I can't trust you. You hurt me so much that I just don't believe you. Even when we were still together, you didn't hold me the same or show me love. Ok, I wasn't the best person and I know that you changed after the crash but still I felt unloved and under-appreciated."

"I know what I did to you but I'm going to change" she pushes.

"I'm happy, I miss you but I'm happy now. I'm freer, I no longer feel controlled. I don't know if I can let you back in. You just don't want to be alone, Arizona but you need time alone and I'm enjoying my life. Maybe once you get help and find yourself then we can see but I'm not promising anything because you destroyed my trust in you. You can't do that again."

"I know but I will wait for you and I am going to prove myself. Trust me when I say I'm taking this time to be alone and I know you won't forgive me instantly but I'm going to prove my love." She stressed.

"Everything you have done has only proven you don't love me. We've been together for 5 years and you gave that all up for someone else. You had your chances." I say wiping the tears from my eyes, hurt in my voice. "I don't know what I did but I loved you with everything, I couldn't lose you."

"I know I see that now and I'm getting help ok and maybe down the line I can be the person you need me to be."

"That may be true but I do need to know why? I need answers to these questions. Also, how do I know you've cut of all ties with her? Why was she more to you than me? You've showered her gifts and suddenly you stop seeing her, what's changed? Did you not have enough sex with her?" I spit. "I respect myself too much now just to let you back in. I'm not ready but you should take this time and really think and get the help you need, find what fulfils you in life, not what person can keep you occupied. I'll continue with my life and maybe the roads will lead us back but you need this time, _alone_." I stressed.

"I promise, Callie I'm not screwing this up. I'm taking this time too and I'm not going to just pathetically latch onto someone. I'm getting help, ok? I'm not going to hurt you but I understand you still want space, I do too because we need to do this right."

"I just can't talk with you right now. I need to be strong."

 **A/N: Just a small follow up. I'm feeling like writing so hoping SB, SB will be updated soon :)**


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